Shalom Bayit: Peace In The House

SHALOM BAYIT: PEACE IN THE HOUSE

The basic meaning of this phrase is “peace in the house” or domestic tranquility and it has multiple sources within the tradition. 

When God announces that Sarah will give birth to Isaac, she laughs and says, how can I give birth “and my husband is so old!” (Genesis 18:12).  But when God reports her comments to Abraham he leaves out that one comment.  The Talmud (Bava Metzia 87a) comments: "See how important is domestic tranquility!  For God Himself changed the words He reported for the sake of peace. Sarah had said ‘my husband is old.’ But God tells Avraham that she had said ‘I (Sarah) am old.’"

At another place in the Talmud (Bava Metzia 59a) it teaches: R. Chelbo said "a man should always be careful about his wife’s honor, because blessing is found in a person’s house only on account of his wife.... as Rava told the people of Mehoza "honor your wives in order that you may become wealthy."

Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel z”l writes:

The Heart of the Ten Commandments is to be found in the words: Revere thy father and thy mother.

The problem I as a father face, is why my child should revere me.

Unless my child will sense in my personal existence acts and attitudes that evoke reverence – the ability to delay satisfactions, to overcome prejudices, to sense the holy to strive for the noble – why should he/she revere me?

This is a time for family discussion.  What are the ways that parents can honor children, spouses honor each other, children honor parents?  It is no easy task to have this discussion.  One good source is to be found at http://www.orthodoxcaucus.org/projects/ethics/ocshalom.htm .  On that page you will find 5 scenarios – from those appropriate for Elementary aged children to those better suited to adults.  Each scenario is accompanied by 3 -4 questions to help provoke useful conversation on the ethics of family life.